Category: Uncategorized

Someone described my son as the kid with diabetes. And it hurt. I knew it was going to happen one day. I didn’t know where or when it was going to take place, but I knew it was inevitable. Even knowing that it was going to happen one day, hearing it still took my breathe away, even if it was just for a second.

My son has had Type 1 diabetes for over 5 years. He was diagnosed at age 4 and he is now almost 10. In the earlier years of his diagnosis he was a little guy. A preschooler. A kindergartner. A baby for all intensive purposes. He rarely left my side for places other then school. I was in charge of everything that had to do with my son and his diabetes. I trained his school to not call him a diabetic. I forced them to see him as everything else that he was other than the kid with diabetes. It worked. Now as a 4th grader they see my son for WHO he is and not WHAT he has. Funny. Smart. Cool. Intelligent.

Now 5 years in, my son’s world is much bigger than the two of us. There are friends. There are friends of friends. Connections are being made. Who knows who from MMA (karate), who knows who from religious education classes, who knows who from wherever. “Oh, I know him,” they said, “he’s the boy with diabetes.” The. Boy. With. Diabetes.

There was no change in tone to their voice, there was no connotation or stress put on diabetes. None. There was no whisper when the word diabetes was said. Nothing. It was just a simple statement, a statement that made it easier to describe who my son was. Brown eyes didn’t cut it. Long hair wasn’t enough. The fact that he has a long Italian first name still didn’t pinpoint who he might be. Diabetes did it. Yes, it was diabetes that clarified exactly who my son was to this inquiring young mind.

And in the end, that’s okay.

There are worse ways to be described.

It would take my breath away a whole lot longer than a second if he was described as the boy who cheats. Or the boy who was rude. Or the boy who is disrespectful.

It would hurt my heart if someone knew him as the boy who didn’t hug his mom. Or the grandson that didn’t love his Papa.

Diabetes is just a piece of  his whole being. It does not define him. Use it to describe him or don’t use it to describe him.

Whatever.

And in the end, that’s okay too.

Diabetes is 24/7/365. Diabetes does not sleep. I check my son while he sleeps. Sometimes once, sometimes twice, sometimes I set my alarm for every 90 minutes. All depends on the situation.

Last night was no different, except I checked the wrong kid. It was dark. My daughter was sleeping where I thought my son was. I checked the finger that I thought belonged to my son. I was wrong. The number that popped up was 72.

I then proceeded to check the correct child’s finger. The number that popped up was 71.

When I realized the 72 belonged to my daughter, the child without diabetes, I breathed a sigh of relief. Not that I am concerned for my daughter at this moment, but it was nice to see a nice fasting number in my child without diabetes. I told her to go back to sleep and moved on to the child actually with diabetes.

When I saw the 71 that belonged to my son, the child with diabetes, I too breathed a small sigh of relief. I hate seeing unexpected highs or lows ever but especially in the middle of the night, but the difference is, I could not tell this particular child to go back to sleep. I could not move on. I had to make a decision.

While a 71 is a beautiful number right before my son eats, it is a bit too low for other times of day and it is definitely too low (for my liking) while he is sleeping.

So, in the dark (obviously dark because I just checked the wrong child) while I am 1/2 asleep myself, I have to decide what to do. Do I set a temp basal? Which means cutting back the settings on his pump for a temporary amount of time. Do I give him some juice? Which means making my sleeping son drink…period. Do I set a temp basal and give a small amount of juice?

None of these are the right answer, but I still need to pick what I think is the best response while thinking about the time of night, the amount of activity he had during the day, what the last thing he ate was. These are just to name a few of my thoughts, I also have to think about if he is sick, stressed, worried, growing, whatever. Some moms of kids with diabetes will even say we need to worry about the moon and the tides…

So a 71 is a 71 is a 71 depending on too many things to list. If you don’t know the back story behind a number than a number really is just that…a number.

You are not better than me if you check your child’s sugar more than I do.

You are not better than me if you only feed your child organic food.

You are not better than me if your A1C is a whole point lower than ours.

You are not better than me if you make your own granola.

You are not better than me if your child’s wake up number is lower than my son’s.

You are not better than me if your child eats a low carb diet.

You are not better than me if you control every number that pops up on your child’s meter.

You are not better than me if your child only uses 15 units a day and my son uses 30.

You are not better than me if you limit your child’s carb intake.

You are not better than me if you change your lancet at every poke.

You are not better than me if your child was in DKA at diagnosis.

You are not better than me if your child has been to the ER for high blood sugars.

You are not better than me if your 7 year old gives his own shots.

You are not better than me if your 15 year old does not check his own sugar yet.

You are not better than me.

I am not better than you.

We are simply soldiers…fighting in the same war…

Involuntary draft…voluntary warriors.