10 years…

10 years…

10 years of checking…checking blood…checking insulin pumps…checking if he’s high or low or somewhere in between…checking if he’s ok, I mean REALLY ok…checking if we’re good…checking if we got this.

10 years of needles…from syringes to pen needles to insulin pump inserter…10 years of OUCH and sometimes DAMN and other times TEARS…10 years of did that go in right…will this do what it’s supposed to do…or will things go wrong.

10 years of stopping…stopping playing because of a low…stopping eating because of a high. ..stopping sleeping because we need a drink…10 years of stopping breathing because I hear no noise from the basement…10 years of stopping in my tracks on the way to his bedroom hoping he is breathing.

10 years of numbers…10 years of blood glucose checks…45, 155, 400, 1250…10 years of ratios…1:45, 1:100, 1:10, 1:80…10 years of basal rates….05, .90, 1.24, 1.40…10 years of adding, subtracting, counting, covering, and weighing.

10 years of little sister taking the back seat…10 years of interrupted stories for a low…10 years of interrupted mommy time because of a high…10 years of waiting for the attention to be back on her…10 years of hoping to be the center of attention without interruption.

10 years of starting…starting Kindergarten…starting Middle School…starting High School…starting sleepovers…starting roller coasters…starting parties without mom…10 years of starting creating a greater distance…starting to become independent…starting to find ourselves again.

10 years of ignorance…10 years of can he eat that…10 years of my grandmother went blind from diabetes…10 years of too bad he ate junk food to get this disease…10 years of stares…10 years of judgment…10 years of impositions…10 years of educating the masses.

10 years of friendships…10 years of crying on shoulders of people that get me…10 years of questioning my worth as a mom…10 years of needing reassurance that I am doing the best I can…10 years of talking me off the ledge or pushing others back on the wall…10 years of ‘you got this’ and ‘you are doing great’ and ‘i love you’.

10 years of worry…10 years of waiting…10 years of anger…10 years of pain…10 years of questions…10 years of strength…10 years of awe…10 years of bravery…10 years of hero status…10 years of it is what it is…10 year of kicking diabetes in the ass.

10 years of winning.

Go to hell, diabetes, today and everyday.