Whatever.

That is how I feel today about our 6 year anniversary with diabetes.

Whatever.

Remembering this anniversary is like remembering the anniversary of your first marriage, or your first car accident, or the first time you got fired, or any other first unpleasant memory. You remember it. You don’t care about it. You’d forget about it if you could, but for some reason you just can’t.

You can’t forget your first marriage if you have kids together.¬†You can’t forget your first marriage if you are still living in the house you bought together. You can’t forget your first marriage if you are still using his last name.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is the reason sleep occurs in 3 hour chunks.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is around 24 hours a day, it doesn’t take a vacation, a break, a siesta, a whatever, it never goes away.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is the reason my 10 year old son needs to wear an insulin pump to stay alive. Stay alive as in not die.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is the reason my son feels shaky, vomits from ketones, and gets disorientated from highs.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is the reason my son requires a 504 Plan in school. It is the reason he has to test his sugar before big tests to make sure his thinking is going to be clear. Highs and lows make him not able to perform at his best.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is the reason my 10 year old son has to carry a back pack of survival supplies with him every where he goes. Survival supplies for God’s sake, he’s a boy, not Bear Grylls.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is because of diabetes that we know the carb count of every food item IN THE WORLD.

You can’t forget diabetes because it is the reason I have to pack for a lifetime when we are just sleeping out over night.

So, yeah, I’d love to forget diabetes. I’d love to forget the day it entered our lives. I’d love to forget the anniversary.

I can’t.

What I can do, however, is treat this day like any other day with diabetes. Whatever. It is what it is. Check, treat, and MOVE ON! I will not give it anymore attention than it requires.

It will not ruin our day. Our lives. My son’s life.

So with our anniversary I say, whatever, to you diabetes. With all you do and all you bring into my son’s life, you still ain’t got nothin’ on him.

Nothin’.

 

 

Amusement park rides…

…are going to be the death of me. Really.

There is something about watching my son with Type 1 diabetes strap himself into a amusement park ride that incites such fear in me that it is almost inexplicable.

I live with many thoughts about my son’s safety. Will he be safe in school all day. Will he be able to handle a sleep over all by himself. Will he be able to count carbs at a birthday party. Will he know to compensate for actively swimming all day and night in the summer. Will he be alive when I wake up in the morning. Yes, really, that is one of thoughts I have had every single day for the past 6 years.

But it is the fear of amusement park rides that make me break out into a cold sweat. They make my heart beat fast and my breathing get shallow. I am afraid of them. He, of course, is not. In fact he may have some of the same feelings as me like heart beating faster but it is only because he CANNOT wait to strap himself in and as they say, enjoy the ride.

While I love that he is enjoying himself like all the other 10 year olds out there, I mean that has been a big one on my list since the day he was diagnosed…kid first…the fear still remains. When the ride empties out and he is the last one to come off the ride I envision him slumped over still strapped in his seat too low to get himself out of the seat. Yes this is a completely irrational thought for me, especially because time and time again amusement parks rides make him go high, but whether it is an irrational fear or not does not matter to me, the fear remains.

I smile. I take pictures. I hold my belly from the twists and turns it takes just by me watching him on the ride. I do feel better when I am on the ride with him, but with an 8 year old daughter who is not a fan of the rides, I am usually left standing in the viewing section with her.

Gravitron. Ugh.

Casino. Yikes.

Round up. C’mon!

Sizzler. Shoot.

Dizzy Dragons. Blech.

Wacky House. Darn.

Zipper. Oh no!

I hate them all. He LOVES them all.

And with that I ask…

where can I buy more tickets?