As a mom of a boy living with Type 1 diabetes there are times when I fear the most for his safety and life. Funny enough they are probably not when you think. They are not when he’s riding his bike, or at school, or even when he’s trying to be a superhero and fly.
It is when he is sleeping. It is when he is quiet. The dark of night and the silence of quiet time fill of pit of fear in my stomach that can only be explained by using the word terror.
When my son sleeps I already check his sugar one or two times a night. Usually I check around 2:00 am and sometimes at 5:00am depending on the 2:00am number. Then I am usually good until his usual wake up time of 7:00am. It is on the weekends, though, when he is snuggled up tight with his dad and his body wants to sleep late that cause me the most anxiety.
I don’t know if my son is sleeping late because he is tired and cozy and loving every minute of his rest, or if he has dropped so low that his body is shutting down and he is unable to wake up even if he tried. I know I can go in there and test his sugar and sometimes I do just that. Sometimes I can work myself up into such a fear that I have no choice but to go in and check. That usually wakes him up and then I feel bad. I feel bad for disturbing him, I feel bad for overreacting, I feel bad he has to live with this awful disease.
Wow, what a way to start a morning.
Then there are the other times when my son is quietly watching TV in the downstairs room. While I relish in the quiet for a few minutes, after a moment or two I start to get nervous. I’ll nonchalantly call downstairs, “Buddy, whatcha watching?” No answer. “Hey buddy, whatcha doin’?” No answer. Until finally I am screaming for the whole neighborhood to hear, “Answer me!” and then I finally get, “I’m watching Johnny Test.”
Unfair, yes, to both of us. I should be happy when my extremely active and creative six year old wants some rare quiet time. I should be able to be at peace when he is calmly watching TV like most kids. Yet, that is one other thing that Type 1 diabetes has robbed me of, peace in the quiet.
Unfair to my little boy, because what six year old doesn’t want to sleep late and watch TV without his mom coming in and pricking his finger or screaming for him to answer.
Sleeping late and quiet time should not bring up a level of terror in me equivalent to a house fire or home invasion, but unfortunately Type 1 diabetes has done that to me. I fear times in my home that most people find the most relaxing.
I already know the answer to my original question. Will the fear go away? Not as long as Type 1 diabetes is still around.