Parenting is tough. When you are a parent of a child with Type 1 diabetes, there is the fine line you must not cross where you switch from parenting your child to parenting the diabetes.
Parenting is tough. Diabetes is tough. Put them together and sometimes you get a combustible combination that with the proper fuel can explode in your face.
Let me explain. Most days in our home we just truck along life every other family. Of course we have the added dimension of counting carbs, checking blood sugar, giving insulin, reviewing blood glucose logs, but all in all, we are a pretty regular family who does pretty regular things. But then there are the moments in our days that define our relationship as parent/child/Type 1 diabetes.
When my son sits down to eat, I immediately check his sugar. Then before giving anyone their food, I weigh the carbs on my son’s plate. Immediately after I give him his food, I grab his pump remote and bolus (give insulin) for about 1/2 of the carbs on his plate. This is a decision that I have made for our family and it seems to work. Let me explain why I have chosen to do this and why I think it ensures that I am parenting my child and not the diabetes.
If my son starts to eat his meal, and then halfway through decides that he would prefer more meat (zero carbs=no insulin) and less of the carb on his plate, by only giving 1/2 of his insulin up front I am able to allow this to happen. As long as my son eats a good portion of his dinner and he is full, I am pleased. I can remain parent of child, and not parent of diabetes.
On the other hand, if I were to give all of his insulin before the meal, for every carb on his plate, he would not be allowed to stop eating any portion of anything. He would have to finish every carb because if he doesn’t then he will go low, and probably seriously low because he gets insulin for and eats about 60 carbs per dinner. So then I have a almost 6 year old full of insulin, not wanting to finish the carb portion of his dinner. This could be disastrous.
So I would have to try to get him to eat the carbs, and I would have to think of another way to cover the insulin that is already working in his body. I could offer milk, juice, skittles, bread, anything that has the equivalent amount of carbs that I already bolused for. I could even demand that he finish all the food on his plate, but that is not my parenting style. STOP. This is what I call parenting the diabetes. Because my son would have received all the insulin up front, my main concern with this scenario would be to cover the insulin, not whether my son, who is a fantastic eater, was satiated. I would worry about the diabetes, not the boy.
Parenting the diabetes does not only present itself when eating. It rears it’s head with discipline too. When my son is acting out of character: rude, whiny, whatever, it is my first and foremost responsibility to find out his blood sugar. I have no choice in that matter. However, when the meter beeps with a number, I then have a choice to parent the child or the diabetes. If the number is low, treat, discuss behavior and move on. If the number is on target, deal with the behavior immediately. Delaying any response to the behavior because you had to stop time and check the sugar would be just parenting the diabetes. Same goes for if the number is high, treat accordingly, calm the situation and move on.
Some parents of children with Type 1 diabetes brush the inappropriate behavior off as a side effect of a high or low number. I choose not to do this. If my son displays inappropriate behavior because of high or low blood sugar, he is still removed from the situation until he is feeling himself again. I certainly don’t punish for behaviors related to blood sugar, but I also don’t let it continue. I don’t parent the diabetes and let him act anyway he wants and use his number as an excuse.
Now why I am writing about this tonight. Not to shout out other parent’s of children with Type 1 to say they are doing it wrong, but to say, this is HARD. This is a difficult battle that we deal with everyday. We have to remain true to our own parenting style without letting diabetes rule the roost. Dealing with the attitudes and behaviors associated with high or low blood sugar is like dealing with a toddler. You have to stay cool, calm and collected. Keep your wits, and handle the situation. It is not fun…it is parenting.