Mistrusting your own judgment

I do not have Type 1 diabetes but my six year old son does. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I had this disease instead of him. I have no idea how he feels when his glucose is low or his glucose is too high. I have no idea how it feels to have my glucose drop so quickly that it actually turns my stomach, but my six year old son does. As a result of having Type 1 diabetes  for over 2 1/2 year my son has become more in tune with his own body. While he may not know if his glucose is high or low all the time, he is definitely learning the feelings that come with these ups and downs, and he is learning to handle them on his own.

Until there is one glucose number that comes out of left field, knocks him to his knees like he had just been hit in the belly by a kickball, and then we are back to square one. The point where he is not so sure he can trust his own judgment. That must be a very frightening thought to a six year old boy, I mean if he can’t trust himself with his own feelings than who can he trust.

My son has recently started testing himself in his classroom when he feels ‘off.’  The effort to have him test where and when he feels ‘off’ in school was spear headed by me, but it was my son who took it upon himself to do the actual testing. He does it all himself. He gets his meter out, cleans his finger, and pokes his own tiny hand when he gets the feeling that he needs to test. He does need help determining a plan of action, but it is him and his instinct that are the major components of this team.

It was at this point in his diabetes life that I realized he relies on his own judgment all the time, and when a number sideswipes him, usually a low number, it does rock his world for a few weeks. A few weeks back my son had an unexpected low number when he went to the nurse to test for lunch. It came out of the blue and it was treated quickly and there were no major consequences, or so I thought.

For the rest of that week, and on into the following week, my son instinctively knew to test himself about 20 minutes before that low the week before. In his six year old mind, he was trying to protect himself by testing a little earlier than lunch to catch another low. It took about 10 days of testing at that time, and 10 numbers in range, for my son to stop testing earlier than planned. It took 10 days for my son to feel comfortable again. Ten days for my son to trust himself again with a disease that he has been living with since he is four years old.

So while there were no outward severe consequences of that previous low, no seizure, no passing out, no trembling, there were plenty of internal severe consequences. My son began to mistrust his own judgment, and if you can’t trust yourself with your own disease, where does that leave you?