When there is a diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes a new ‘normal’ must be created. It is the glimpses of the old ‘normal’ that make you realize how different your life has become. It’s heartbreaking.
Let me start by saying, our new normal is pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. I think we have done an excellent job making diabetes part of our life and not the other way around. We do not let Type 1 control us, yes, it is an unwanted guest that never seems to leave us alone, but ultimately it is in our world, we are not in it’s world. However, there is no denying that life was different before Type 1 diabetes knocked at our door, and there’s no better way to see how different when you are eating crackers with your other child, the one without Type 1.
My four year old daughter, my baby without Type 1, was sitting on my lap the other day as I ate Triscuits and cheese. Without asking she took one. Totally ok, I know how to share, but that can never happen again with my son, the baby with Type 1. After having Type 1 for almost 2 years, he knows he has to ask for every single morsel of food that goes into his body. It’s not like he asks for permission per se, it’s more like he is asking as a way to alert me that he is going to eat so I know to get his meter, check his sugar, count the carbs for the snack, and then give him insulin through his pump all before he can even try a bite of his chosen snack.
Sure there are free snacks that he eats without being tested, without it being counted or bolused for, but being he is only almost 6 he is not quite sure of free snacks yet. So to be safe, he lets me know, or asks, before he takes a bite of food or a sip of drink, sometimes up to 10 times a day.
While my daughter and I shared my cheese and crackers I was saddened that my son cannot have such carefree experiences anymore. He can’t just walk past a table and pick up one of his mom’s crackers that she is eating just because it looked good. He has to decide if he really wants to bother eating it. He is never, ever denied a snack, but I do wonder if there are times when he feels like just taking one grape out of the fridge like many people do.
I am saddened that before every meal my son asks, “Can I start eating?” and at the end of every meal he asks, “Can I be done?” I always try to answer as nonchalantly as possible, “Sure you can start eating,” or, “Are you full, do you want to be done?” But in reality, I am always thinking something else like, “Sure you can start eating…I already tested your sugar,” and “Are you full, do you want to be done…I didn’t bolus you for your whole meal so you don’t have to eat it all if you don’t want.”
I’ll take the new ‘normal’ because well honestly, I have no choice. And I am ok with that. I have my boy (and my girl) and that’s all that matters to me. It’s the glimpses of the old ‘normal’ that make me realize how much Type 1 diabetes has seeped it’s way into all aspects of our world, in ways you can only imagine.